I suppose there are a lot of lighter topics that one could talk about on the dawn of a new year, however in my line of work every year around this time I find myself providing counsel to individuals and couples that have decided to go their separate ways. Generally, it's not the holidays or the new year that actually done the relationship in. Although the stress of the holidays coupled with unwanted conversations over politics with in-laws that may have over stayed their welcome certainly doesn't help a struggling couple find their way. Typically, the relationship has been broken or been breaking for a long time leading up to these conversations.
It's never easy for someone to open up about personal matters such as this and quite frankly especially when there are children involved, it can be a very emotional conversation. I decided to lay out some of the biggest takeaways and advice that I could give to someone facing the breakdown of a relationship and the prospect of a divorce or separation.
1. Do not let the fear of the unknown prevent you from finding out what the state of your credit, finances and potential future options are. Knowledge is powerful, just knowing where things stand and what your options are will help alleviate some of your stress and fear.
2. If you are still in an amicable relationship and have yet to file a divorce, prior to filing it is highly, and I can't stress enough HIGHLY, recommended that you seek out a banker such as myself to lay out your potential paths. Once the divorce is filed there are a number of options that will no longer be available to you as far as home financing is concerned.
3. There is such a thing as a "win-win" when dealing with a divorce or separation. I know it can sound unlikely or seem impossible, but I've worked with numerous couples who as a result of an earnest effort on both sides, were able to find housing solutions that provided stability for the children and peace of mind for themselves.
4. Find a compassionate banker who is objective and excels at communication. This is such a touchy subject and charged with so many emotions. The last thing many people want to deal with when going through a separation is their finances. It takes a patient ear, an open heart and a lot of experience to be able to successfully guide someone through this tough time in their life. Choose your mortgage banker wisely!
5. The solution may surprise you and be something that you did not expect. Throughout the years ofworking with couples going through separations and divorces I have witnessed, structured and been a part of some very unconventional outside of the box solutions. The biggest thing that I can recommend is just having the conversation with someone who is knowledgeable and experienced in dealing with these types of situations.